Never again.(Levi x Reader) Chapter 19

The mess hall was silent when you got there. The usual chatter and laughter was replaced by a thick, tense silence. You came to the mess hall in an attempt to escape the silence of your own room, but this was only worse. While it was never loud after an expedition there usually was some quiet chatter, at least enough to make the room bearable to be in. So when you didn't even hear so much as a sniffle, you knew something had gone very wrong. When looking around the room, all that could be seen were solemn faces staring at either the table or the ceiling. It felt like time had stood still, and while looking at sea of stoic faces you knew one thing; death had arrived, as harsh and as cold as ever. However, there was also something else you felt hovering in the room, but it was unfamiliar.

You were about to sit down when you noticed people lifting their heads to look at something. You, as well, began to look for what they were fixed on but while looking into their eyes you saw what you knew to be absolute and unmistakable, pity. You almost wanted to laugh, the thought of the remaining survivors looking at you with pity was almost laughable. The last thing you needed, or even wanted right now was to be pitied, so you turned briskly and left.

You moved quietly though the dimly lit halls, head down to avoid talking to anyone who might pass by. You were almost back to your room when you felt yourself run into something firm. You stumbled back and nearly fell to the floor, but you were caught by a pair of strong hands which belonged to the last person you wanted to see right now. Levi. Your eyes locked, but only for a moment as you pulled your gaze away quickly. Levi, being as sharp as he is, sensed that something was wrong; however before he could even get a word out you brushed passed him without so much as a 'sorry'. You couldn't talk to Levi, not now anyways. If you did you weren't sure what might come out of your mouth. As you were walking away you heard him call your name, but you didn't allow yourself to stop.

You finally burst into your room completely out of breath and for some particular reason you just could not seem to regain control of your breathing. It felt as if a fire was burning inside your chest, slowly spreading to the rest of your body. Panicked, you went to the small closet in the corner and took out a bucket and an old rag. Rushing to the sink you filled the bucket to the brim with scalding hot water and a gallon of soap. From there you took control the only way you really knew how. Cleaning. You scrubbed the floor with such force you could feel the old boards slightly moving beneath you, but it didn't matter. You kept scrubbing and scrubbing to try and ease the burning and the pain, but with no result. The more it burned the harder you scrubbed, unnoticed hot tears streamed down your flushed face. There seemed to be no end in sight for this vicious cycle until you felt a warm hand upon your shoulder. The feeling took your attention away from your scrubbing frenzy and caused you to look up. When you did you were once again met with the same pair of cold steel eyes. This time though you saw what looked to be concern reflecting in them.

Neither of you said anything, however after a moment Levi cast his eyes downward to your hand which was clutching the dull rag. He then took your hand into his own and began to inspect it. This caused you to finally see the damage you had done. It seemed that somewhere in your frenzy you had began to scrub so hard that the portion you were using to scrub had torn away, leaving the majority of the work to your bare hand. The entirety of your hand was bright red from the hot water, but the skin on the tops of your fingers and knuckles were torn, or rather, shredded away. While you were staring at your hand you realize Levi had moved from his position in front of you to the small kitchen. There he grabbed a fresh clean cloth and ran it under cold water, and when he came back you were still examining your hand. Still without a word spoken he took your hand again and wrapped the cold cloth around it, firmly, but not tight. You enjoyed the cold from the cloth and finally felt some sort of relief. Your chest still burned and the itch to scrub resurfaced. Levi saw this in your eyes, for it was a feeling he knew all too well. He stood again but this time he left the room and you thought he was done checking on you; however a moment later he returned, this time with hand brushes.

As he handed a brush to you, you realized that he had brought two brushes. You were confused for a moment but when Levi pulled the bucket toward himself and dunked the second brush in the soapy water, you realized that he was going to scrub with you. You thought about protesting but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. So instead you simply reached over and wet your brush as well. This time when you went to scrub the floor you didn't feel the need to do so with as much force a before. It was like a wave of calm had come and doused the fire burning in your chest. The two of you then spent the rest of the evening scrubbing the floors in silence and still, everything that needed to be said, was said.